Can’t even make this up….

 

What a week….let’s get this new week started!

Before I get started on this post, please note: I am not a professional writer, there most certainly will be run-on sentences and bad grammar-just correct it in your head and keep reading! My friend, Stephanie, is my editor/proof-reader. She has a 3 year old and newborn baby-so we are on the same wave length-so if she doesn’t catch it, it can’t be that big of a mistake, and I go on.

I was totally NOT ready for MONDAY! I had so many plans and expectations for the weekend that did not occur!  We needed to catch up on stuff like cleaning and laundry since we were in Virginia the whole weekend before at my mother-in-law and brother-in-law’s graduation from Liberty University! Congrats Debbie and Ryan!

So here are some of the highlights of last week:

We are potty training Cason and I LOATHE every minute of it! If I could pay someone to potty train my kids and have them peeing and pooping in the potty within one week-I would GO BROKE paying them! Cason generally does pretty good though! He will definitely pee in his potty chair all day long, as long as he has underwear on! If he has on a pull-up-he is 100% going to pee in that thing!

I had given up on him pooping in anything but his underwear or a pull-up until the other day. He was upstairs playing in his room and I was letting him do so, because I was trying to get his brother asleep downstairs. He was upstairs playing by himself-in underwear, I might add. He called down to me after about 15 minutes of playing, “Hey mommy I need you right now!! Right now!” He sounded like he was in distress so I thought, ‘Oh great-something is broken, either furniture or him!’, I had no IDEA what I was in for. I run up the stairs and ask what is wrong and he says(word for word), “I had to poop and pee and got scared. There’s no potty up here so I tried to go in that.” He was pointing to the vent in the FLOOR! And guess what was waiting for me next to it?! You guessed it! HE POOPED SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN HIS PULL-UP! Thank God he missed the vent and hit the bathroom floor!

And just like that, I earned a glass of wine!

Next big story of the week-Callen has had a double ear infection and sore throat, and is getting 4 teeth! So that in itself has been crazy! Luckily, he is such a good baby right now and the only real obstacle has been the diarrhea he has had accompanying the antibiotic! With that being said we have had multiple explosions out of his diaper, all over his crib, all over me, etc.

Well over the weekend, Callen was pretty much better. The four of us were out and about and went to eat lunch and Panda Express in Southport. Everything went relatively smoothly, as smooth as it can with us, until the end. My husband picks Callen up and immediately freaks, “Callen has pooped out of his diaper!” and he literally like ran away, out the restaurant, to the car! I immediately checked the high chair to make sure it was clean-it was. But as I turn around, Cason has gotten himself stuck in a regular chair he was sitting, while trying to get down through the small hole in the back. So Craig has left me cold and alone in Panda Express! I hurry and get Cason unstuck, clean our table up and go out to the car. During this whole mess the ENTIRE place is looking at us! Especially this one couple in their 50’s, hysterically laughing! So I get out to the car and Craig is just standing their holding Callen out saying to unlock the car (still freaking!). So I fumble through my purse and can’t find the keys anywhere! If you know me at all, you know this happens at least 50 times a day, so you can imagine the look on Craig’s face the whole time I am looking! I can’t find my keys in my purse and I think to myself that I got them out at the table so maybe I left them in there. I walk back in, no keys on the table. Something told me to look in the trash. There they were, covered in teriyaki sauce, in the trash can! I pull them out, everyone that was in there witnessing our family leaving, DIED LAUGHING! I get the car unlocked, Callen cleaned up, Cason in the car, Craig calmed down, and we go home!

I swear I can’t even make this up! It is too crazy!

Now let’s just tie the two stories together! Before the Panda Express fiasco and after the pooping on the floor, I had a day where I had to get ready to leave the house with just me and the kids there! This is a shock to the system when you are used to showering at night and living in yoga pants! So Cason tells me he wants to lay on his bed in his room and watch a movie. That sounds great! I put a pull up on him, just in case, and turn the movie on. I put Callen in his little seat in the bathroom and I take a shower. Finish the shower with no problems and then continue to get ready. Cason comes in the bathroom and tells me that there is pee on his bed. I am like, “There is no way, you had on a pull-up!” I go in there to find he had peed out of the pull-up on the bed. Okay, I can handle this. I put Callen in his crib and strip Cason’s bed to wash. I walk in to get Callen-that explosive diarrhea-has occurred! It is all over his bed and down his leg and he just putting his hands all in it! I CAN’T handle this, it is now too much! He gets cleaned, his bed gets cleaned and disinfected but honestly, I just wanted to burn it!

Another glass of wine earned and here’s to hoping this week stays clean of bodily waste!

We have a new babysitter joining us a couple of days a week now named Carly! We love her! Hopefully things get less crazy with her around, but I doubt it! We are also supposed to have a younger girl come in and help me out some too! Hopefully she doesn’t read these blog posts and change her mind! Her mom owns an awesome toy story in downtown Franklin, called ToodleyDoo(http://www.toodleydootoys.com/)! You should check them out!

This weekend we will be going out of town for our last college graduation of the year! I am sure we will have some kind of outlandish happening in Terre Haute that will be worth documenting!

8 thoughts on “Can’t even make this up….

  1. Craig DuKate

    Disclaimer:

    Even though this blog may portray otherwise; the husband is an extremely responsible adult and the children receive above adequate care! 🙂

  2. Cassie Wessel

    I am literally dying of laughter at my desk at work while I read this Ellen! Only you!! I don’t know how you or Craig survive. lol

  3. Julie

    You haven’t met me but I grew up with Craig at church and homeschool group. My sister occasionally blogs as well about her two kids and I always enjoy. Hang in there and enjoy an extra well earned glass 🙂

  4. Stacy Kruchten

    I can’t help but laugh too! Your stories are written vividly enough that I can picture you in that moment…..

  5. Ashley Rogers

    I. Can’t. Even. Right now. I am DYING 😂😂

  6. Allison

    oh I miss your stories! I am glad you are writing!!

  7. Patia Pierson

    Good thing nothing this crazy has happened to me yet!! 😂😂

  8. As a mother of 3 girls, I just had a boy! This would match petewcrlyfith his grey room and white nursery. I would love either color! He already snuggles up with his blankets, this one would be even better. 🙂

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